Satire

My DNA Test Proves I’m Narnian

A few month’s back, Senator Elizabeth Warren underwent a DNA test to prove she is Native American. The test, which was conducted by Carlos Bustamante, a professor of genetics at Stanford, ultimately found Warren was somewhere between 1/32 and 1/1,024th Native American. Or, to put it another way, less than 1 percent. As one might expect, critics have cried foul. However, as someone who has personally wrestled with a similar

Perspective Is Everything in the 21st Century

If you’re reading this, I’m thrilled. My email must have made it through to the editor. Admittedly, I wasn’t sure what to expect considering I sent it from a new phone that beeps and buzzes at me more than the hideous little robot with the swiveling head on Star Wars. I think his name was Joy Behar. You see, despite being a millennial, I’ve largely been dragged into the 21st century

The Not So Wonderful Life of Trees

Last week as I watched my beloved Budweiser drinking, NASCAR tank top wearing neighbor across the road chainsaw a Christmas tree in half on the front of his bedraggled lawn, I couldn’t help but consider what miserable lives trees must lead. Think about it: Dogs go to the bathroom on them, monkeys swing and tug on them, and woodpeckers thump on them all day like little feathered salesmen that won’t